lauraballard's Xanga

Monday, January 02, 2006

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 00:16:59 GMT

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

So have you made a resolution? What have you resolved to do this year?

The end of an era

Wed, 28 Dec 2005 19:47:00 GMT

As I walked to my car, I looked back over my shoulder with a brave smile and there she still stood on her porch, also wearing a brave smile. One last time she waved her hand in that beauty pageant contestant way and said "I love your hair, hope you win!" as we've done a million times before, and I blinked rapidly at the moisture gathering and waved back and said "I love YOUR hair, I hope you win. You've always been a winner with me"

I turned back quickly before the tears could fall and nearly ran the last few steps to my car. I got in and swiped angrily at the tears that wouldn't be contained, started my car and looked back, but she was gone.

And as I drove away, I felt the end of the chapter, the end of the era. We've grown up now. Twenty-five years as friends and neighbors, confidants and sisters... we've seen each other through heartaches and failures and amazing victories. We've consoled and celebrated each other. We've fought bitterly and loved deeply. We've been down so many twisted crazy roads together, but this is one road I can't see her down, an unavoidable fork that has forced us onto different paths. A part of me goes with her, and a part of her stays with me. I wonder if we'll ever be completely complete again. And I heave a deep sigh of sorrow. I can see her house in my rear view mirror and her lovely smiling green eyes in my mind, and I miss her already.

How to love a cat!

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 18:25:28 GMT

All true cat lovers know that the first step to loving a cat is accepting a few things about them that make them uniquely feline. Cats are proud and independent and vain; but they are absolutely gorgeous animals after all so they have plenty of reason to be vain. They are graceful and sleek and playful and moody. Cats are truly loyal creatures, and gaining the trust of a feline is one of the most precious and difficult things to acquire, and one of the most delicate possessions to retain. It is truly worth the effort to have a loyal cat.

There are few pleasures greater than a cat who will curl up in your lap and vibrate and purr as you tickle her chin or stroke her back or rub her tummy. Cats are completely hedonistic and devoted to a sensual lifestyle. A playful cat will afford you hours of amusement with household items as simple as a string or a ball, and a loving cat will keep your lap warm for hours on end. And a cat who will sneak up on you and pounce for fun is worth her weight in gold!

The most essential skill of a cat lover is reading a cat’s body language. They will tell you what they are feeling. Do not try to play with a cat in a loving mood or love on a cat in a playful mood; you may catch the end of her claws.

Do not be fooled, a kitty is a big commitment. While dogs are overtly present in your life, a cat has a more understated and elegant presence. One of the essential differences in cats and dogs is that while a human may tame a dog, a cat will tame her human. If you take good care of her, she will lower your stress, preen for your pleasure and give you hours of love and affection. But if you neglect a cat or fail to give her the attention she deserves (or has come to expect from you), you can only imagine her kitty-claw wrath.

Cats are truly complex creatures. Something vitally important to remember about cats is that each one is completely unique with her own personality and characteristics. Cats can be as varied and unpredictable as the humans that love them.

So this is your introduction to loving a cat. Now don’t you wish you had one? ;)

Decreasing faith in humanity!

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 17:03:14 GMT

Okay... so I emailed as many people as I could about this... so if you've already got it in your email box, sorry for the repeat!

Happy Monday friends and family! This weekend I got a hard lesson in humanity... My cell phone was stolen!

Unfortunately, along with the pain of my naivety and paying off the international calls that someone helped themselves too, I've now lost ALL of your numbers (and some numbers for people that I do not have email addresses for!). Oh woe is me!

So here's the deal. Would you please email me your phone numbers so I'll be able to put you all back in my phone? I'm sorry for the inconvenience, I sincerely appreciate your effort! =)

Thanks peoples!

Since there have been many questions about what happened exactly, I'll tell you that the excess of calls are really my own fault. Because I was naive and believed in the goodness of man to return what was taken from me. Its true! I realized my phone was missing Sunday morning, and checked my account online, saw no calls so thought it might be lost in my car or even in my ginormous purse, and since it was on vibrate from the night before, I didn't bother about it. Last night when I got home late from the Canterbury Choral Society Christmas show, I checked my email (for some odd reason, because that's not very normal for me) and whoever had stolen my phone had the courtesy to email me the pictures on my phone. Bizarre! So in a panic I logged into my cellular account and saw a days worth of international calls to Guatemala. So I called and suspended my phone service, but I take responsibility for the calls. After all, its my own belief in the inate goodness of man-kind that got me into this mess!

Knowing what I know now, I would have immediately canceled the phone and saved myself money and a headache. But it IS only money and a headache afterall. And now I've contacted people I haven't talked to in ages to inform them of the change in numbers.... so really, it was just a push to talk to people I needed to talk to anyway.

But let me ask you something... Do you believe that man is inherently good or bad? What would you have done if you had "found" someone's cell phone?

Migraine Misery

Wed, 30 Nov 2005 13:45:49 GMT

I just don't understand. How does this exploding pain just appear in my head and suddenly cause my entire body to hurt? I mean, the exploding pain isn't sudden, most of the time I can feel it coming on. But that doesn't seem to matter, it just prolongs the agony, a lot of it mental, in knowing what's coming.

So the headache doesn't exactly sneak up on you, rather it ROARS up in a rage, you can usually sense it from a mile away the energy is so powerful. And despite your best efforts, precautions and the application of drugs, you still get hit like the broad side of a barn in a tornado. And to add insult to injury, nothing seems to make it abate once it's come. No drugs, no sleep, no ice, no heat, no dark or light. Nothing but time will save you.

Oh frustration! Time march faster please, my friend, and relieve my racked brain and my sore body of this pain!

Monday, November 21, 2005

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 18:04:10 GMT

I closed my eyes, relaxed my guard, intending only to take a short rest, but I floated away and darkness descended and I stayed there for a bit. When I opened my eyes, the darkness did not abate, and I stayed still for a time, unsure of what to do, scared of the dark, waiting for help or for light to return, but it did not. And then, the most fatal of fatalities, my eyes adjusted, and I no longer felt scared of the dark. In fact, I learned to like the dark. And then the dark started to feel like light. Oh great deception!

Now I stand in the dark, and I can see the light, as if down a long dark tunnel, and it does not appeal to me, for I have grown accustomed and comfortable in the dark. In fact, I have found excitement in the dark. If I stood in the light, I would know that I am dead, but here, here in this dark deception, I feel alive.

Shall we dance?

Sat, 12 Nov 2005 20:08:35 GMT

I have stuck in my head, this image of a couple dancing.... what exactly it takes to dance with someone, especially in the midst of a busy dance floor. First, one assumes you know the steps, and two that you trust your partner. You come together on the dance floor.... holding each other and swaying to the music, and as the music builds and your trust and understand of each other builds, your steps become more complex, and you swirl away, and step back to each other, moving and touching, swaying and caressing. In a dance, you must rely completely on one another's body language to guide you. Indeed, when trusting someone to lead you, you must be entirely sensitive to the small nuances of their touch and you must trust them. Then suddenly you spin around, and your partner can no longer see the obstacles, now you are the guide, and they must trust you and be sensitive to the nuances of your touch. Occasionally, you will step on each other's toes, but if you just walk away, the dance is never complete, nor is it beautiful. So you make allowances for sore toes and missteps.

Is this not a perfect simulation of a relationship? I know I've compared it before, even recently... but its stuck in my head, the way a dance floor full of people (or a community) must spin and swirl and step and move and make allowances in order to dance together beautifully and not make a complete mess of things collectively.

Dancing is a group effort, so is a relationship. Should one partner not dance, you simply have a fool in the middle of the dance floor.... and should one friend not be a friend, you simply have two very lonely people.

Dancing, like community, can be messy. People bump into each other, try to find room for themselves on the dance floor, try to carve out their identity, and keep their style while still remaining on the dance floor.

This is my commitment, even when the thing is messy, and not at all beautiful at first sight, I'll keep on dancing... I'll keep trying. I'll forgive missteps and sore toes, and I hope that you'll forgive mine. I'll let you bump into me, and still love you for who and what you are and what you're trying to accomplish. I'm committed to this dance and the community. Because I know how beautiful it all is in the end!

I hope you know I love you. Will you dance with me?

You shall be holy, for I am holy.

Fri, 04 Nov 2005 12:32:44 GMT

My friend, Stacey, shared this verse in her daily prayer email this morning:

As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, "You shall be holy, for I am holy." 1 Peter 1:14-16

There are alot of jumbled thoughts just rolling around in my head and I'm trying to straighten them all out. So the most I want to say at this point is that, I believe IN God, and I pray that I believe God... But I do not live holy, I don't even live like I know what holy is. And yet, He calls me Holy. I am utterly ridiculous!

In other news: a group of our Mosaic community (Kim Bandy, Stacey, Keeks, Enrique and I) ventured to the airport at 4AM this morning to see our friends Brad Bandy, Katy, Melissa, Shelli & Mike (and others) off to Costa Rica for a mission trip... then we went to breakfast. And then I came to work. It is totally bizarre to look at the clock and its only 7:30AM and I've been at work for well over an hour. How do people work these hours?! And is it nap time yet? Oh please say yes. :) Have a good day, people!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Tue, 01 Nov 2005 22:27:48 GMT

Random ramblings and thoughts.

It seems to me that there are 3 types of acquired power.

One type would be simply through position advancement and elevated status. That is, you work hard, you are clever and think quickly and you are a good leader. Lets assume those are executive positions.

The other two types of power are more ambiguous. To me, if one is universally well liked in a company that carries quite alot of clout. No matter how lowly the position the person is in, if the president and ceo genuinely like them as well as the majority of other people, they wield a pretty significant amount of power, you see? We'll call this the people person.

The third type of acquired power is actually what I'm thinking of today. That is, the person who manipulates situations and "tattles" and uses fear as power. This is really the most dangerous type of person in any organization.

I'm thinking of this, because I work with a woman like this or rather I work near her. She smiles pretty and always asks how I am... But if I cough to loud, she has no problem running to not just my manager, but my director to complain. Its a lot ridiculous. Her power is compounded by the rumors and warnings that are the forerunner to meeting her. Everyone knows of her, everyone but the high level executives fear her. I'm just sick of it. Not that there's anything I can do about it. I just wanted to say it. So there!

Monday, October 31, 2005

Mon, 31 Oct 2005 16:29:09 GMT

Happy Halloween, peoples!

Mwaahahahahahahahaha